Don't Drink With ...

i watched this and it just killed me.
the guy is good!
could not wait to share.

Horse Shit Continues

the drama continues from here.

that same day, after close of work, my phone rang and it was a private number.
i casually picked it and the first thing i heard was "Splash, Splash, a beg no vex"
i was like who is this then the voice struck me.
thing is since he left naija we have not even talked. we just throw greetings through his sis. that kind of thing. no biggie.
at first i was wondering what he was talking about then i remembered.

ME: WHO BE THE GAL? NA UR GF?
GUY: YES. A BEG NO VEX. NO MIND AM. I TOLD HER NOT REPLY THE WALL MESSAGE BUT SHE NO GREE HEAR.
ME: HA, THAT MEANS U DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE PRIVATE MESSAGE SHE SENT TO MY BOX?
GUY: WATIN SHE TALK?
(i then went on to tell him word for word.)
GUY: KAI! SEE EHN... I'M NOT EVEN PICKING HER CALLS.
ME: IS SHE A NIGERIAN?
GUY: NO. ANOTHER AFRICAN COUNTRY AND SHE IS NOT IN THE UK RIGHT NOW. SHE'S IN ANOTHER PART OF EUROPE.
ME: DO U REALLY LIKE HER?
GUY: YES
ME: OK. I WILL SEND HER A MESSAGE TO CLEAR THIS CRAP UP.
GUY: THE GIRL JUST MESS UP.
(you think?)
we sha laughed about it and i told him not to worry. sey the girl never see and she never know.

the next day i replied her mail. i decided to go the way of the Bible. a calm voice ..... harsh..... My people, i no go lie you, fight been dey my body. to tear her from limb to limb but thought more about setting an example. a good one to reflect my kind and gentle nature *evil laugh*
the mail went;

*woman,

i do not know who you are, but i will explain a few things;

1. your boyfriend has been my friend for over 10 years.
2. i use to date his younger brother and
3. his younger sister is my best friend.
4. we all grew up and lived together in Nigeria for over 10 years!
so cool it!

if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask me.
i look forward to hearing from you.*

she replied the very same day apologizing for reacting that way and bla bla bla bla. how sh eno be naija so she dey feel uncomfy for e friends side and things. that my choice of words really got to here and so on and so forth.
girls! we too dey get ahead of ourselves
i learnt a lesson here sha. get into ur man and do not be insecure when his old pals come around. enter dem join.

i replied saying no problem. that i just wanted to clarify things put her mind at ease.
she kan sey God bless me.

i'm good.
i got an apology, did it the Christian way and she thinks i'm a good person. which i must say i am (fluttering my eyelashes)

Horse Shit!

make una see me see trouble o!
yesterday was a guy friends birthday so i sent him a message on facebook.
the usual " happy birthday love and thing and things"
i get to the office, open my blog page, yahoo and facebook only to see messages from some chic.
i don't even know which one is the chic sef cuz they were 2 in the picture.

on the guys wall where i wrote my birthday message she wrote " how many lovers are we......lol u stink!"

i was like which one is this one? well, she was lol abi?

i go to my inbox and a message for just me "I would like to express my deep disgust in you calling my boyfriend "my love "......shame on you and get ur own guy ! Fuck you bitch!"

what did i do to deserve all this unwanted "praise"?
all i did was to wish a dear friend happy birthday and this fool breeds horse shit ideas in her fucking lunatic head? she needs to get a grip!

guy wey i don know since i dey secondary school. i must tell him this. ask him about who the hell she is.
my friends call me bitch and i call them bitch too and we laugh about it cuz it's a joke to us. then one nonsense person wey i no know kan dey talk crap.
her mama!

in other news...

i have lost a lot of weight. works a mega bitch. try going hungry i guess.
i need more money. don't like what i'm getting.
well...all in due time. i mean "what's A plan without a plan B?" ;-)

i miss my brother. he is growing up without me kicking his ass once in a while. not fair :-(

had a lot of doctor issue this past 2 weeks. sucks!!!
Not good news from my Dentist. filled some teeth.
well... not so bad news from my Orthopedist sha. after the next set of xrays we'll know.
i am healed in Jesus name. please forgive me for swearing and dem other bad bad things.
please pray for me guys.

i need to get out more. make new friends. dance. chill. eat something new. try other new things. enjoy life...
wey the man na! *sigh*

Calculate...

calculate and show working;
310 x 6 = ?
this was the Saturday question of the century.
you sure se you sabi this method???

on Saturday i went with a friend to get her hair done somewhere in Lagos Island. as i waited for her to dry her hair a lady of about 29 years came over to ask the hair dresser the mathematical question above.
help me see answer o!

100 for 3 places na 300
this 300 for 3 places na 900
another 100 for 3 places na 300
this one 300 for 3 places na also 900
10 for 5 places na 50
10 for 1 place na 10
so we go get 900 + 900 = 1800
50 + 10 = 60
everything na 1,860

they then turned to me and asked "aunty abi?"
i said "yes"
clap for me!
i too much jo!

i guess she too much sha. that journey to solve the question was really testing.

we should thank God for the education we got o!
what would they have done if they had to calculate 33,895.52 x 13?
that one, we for sleep for there.